A Wintery Feeling

Tis The Season

I shiver as I stand outside

trying to warm my outsides by sipping alertness from my cup

In the distance a sliver of peachy-pink from the morning sun

peeks up over a far away hilltop
Closer, barren trees have thrown their shelter of leaves to the ground

to let them dance away in the piercing chill of the wind
Lights blink on nearby rooftops

as if to say Good Morning to the drivers-by

while busses stop to pick up bundles of children eagerly waiting

for the wishes they sent to Santa to magically appear under the tree
The hope of a better tomorrow weighs heavily on the hearts of parents

knowing the smell of the holiday season is in the air

Before I Was A Mom

12-5-08
One of my favorite emails. It's right into what I feel. I even added a few of my own. Things never really seemed so important until I became a mom.
My life changed and I must say it was for the better. There is no real joy like that of your own child’s smile or giggle.

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or sang lullabies
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous
I never thought about immunizations
I had never been puked on - Pooped on - Chewed on - Peed on
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts
I slept all night
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests or give shots
I never looked into teary eyes and cried
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin
I never thought a weed from the front yard could be such a beautiful flower
I never knew that crayon scribbles would be the most beautiful drawings in the world
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him down
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much
I never knew that I could love someone so much
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby
I didn't really understand that bond between a mother and her child
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom
I never knew that hearing the word 'Mama' for the first time would make me cry
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much
I never knew I would love being a Mom

1st time Banana Bread

Thanksgiving prep was nuts! I made banana bread for the first time ever, on my own, without my mom’s help.
Yeah! She was proud when I told her.
Then she got a good laugh when I told her the details:
I’m bad at not gathering all my ingredients before I start trying to make something. I did well with the directions this time. I actually read them all in full before I started. Plus 1 for me!
I had all my wet ingredients in a bowl to be mixed together. I start putting the dry ingredients in another bowl when I realize in all my searching that I don’t have baking soda. I am not a baker know it all. I don’t know the baking soda’s purpose but I do know that if a recipe calls for it, you have to have it!
So I called my mother in law who lives in the travel trailer out back because I know she has some. She did have. She threw it out. Since Phillip was at work she came over to watch the kids for a few while I rushed to Dollar General to get some.
There I stand, in panic mode, in the baking isle searching every item, hoping I somehow overlooked the baking soda.
(Dollar General is only 3 minutes from the house but WalMart is the next closest and it’s 15 minutes and it’s 8pm.) I really didn’t want to have to go to WalMart that night.
I found a store person and they got the manager to come help me. It was no where near the baking stuff. It was over by all the car and room deodorizers. Just stupid!
I get home and finally get back to my baking. I measure the flour (which I was gonna buy more of while I was at the store 5 minutes ago) and I’m a half a cup short. Yeah. I call the mother in law (again) and borrow from her. Back in the kitchen, I get stuff mixed together and the pans sprayed and the batter poured and put in the oven. Relief! On to the next thing....

I start putting away everything when I notice that the box of baking soda (that I just bought) isn’t even opened. Oh goodie! Now I have to pull out the pans, dump the batter back into the bowl and hope like hell it comes out right when I’m done. Curses curses curses!
During this fiasco, my 7-year old is sitting at the table, watching me, shaking her head. I tell her to may no attention to me because, believe it or not, this is not how this is supposed to be done. She giggles and tells me I'm weird.
Another thing I know about baking soda is that it’s important to mix it in the dry ingredients to make sure it’s evenly distributed.
So, I dash the baking soda on top of the already mixed batter and use the mixer for what seems like forever. I want to make sure that it all gets mixed in really good.
I re-spray the pans and re-pour the batter and back into the oven they go.
I can only hope and pray that in 1 hour they won’t taste like road kill.
Luckily, success!
Oh so moist (1/2 cup extra bananas). Oh so yummy!

Oh so lucky!
Next year I'll make sure to have all necessary ingredients first. That's the plan, anyway.